


Our Truest Selves

by GaiusTheGenius



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-20
Updated: 2017-12-20
Packaged: 2019-02-17 10:28:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,670
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13074966
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GaiusTheGenius/pseuds/GaiusTheGenius
Summary: Aaron stared at Kevin Day, standing on national television in his suit next to an equally well-dressed boy, and was suddenly very aware of his worn tracksuit and sneakers that were almost one size too small. He couldn’t see how that shiny boy on the television could be a match for him at all.





	Our Truest Selves

**Author's Note:**

  * For [PalmettoFoxDen](https://archiveofourown.org/users/PalmettoFoxDen/gifts).



> Happy Winter Exchange!  
> You prompts just kept on coming with the ideas, so I have like two other fics on the go now and one more idea floating around... watch this space!

When Aaron was six, too young to really understand anything more than his mother would be angry with him if his face was dirty, he spent almost an hour in the bathroom one evening trying to scrub the mark off of his face before dinner. In the end, his mother had fallen asleep before she could cook anything, so he was able to eat a sandwich in his room anyway, and stare at his reflection in the mirror hanging on the back of his door, and think. The mark wasn’t coming off. It was at least another hour before he thought of the pot in his mother’s purse, the one that she used to cover the bruises under her eyes before she took him to school in the mornings. Aaron waited until his clock said _five-dot-dot-three-zero_ , which he knew was enough time before he had to get dressed for school, before he slid open his mother’s bag and used the tips of his fingers to silently cover up the mark.

It was more than a week later when Aaron learned what the mark on his cheek meant. He was reading with his teacher, following her finger as it moved along the page, when he caught sight of some lines of blue poking from under the edge of her long sleeves.

“Writing on your arms is not allowed in school,” he said, unthinkingly, then froze, wondering how much trouble his attitude would get him into this time. Luckily – unbelievably – his teacher simply laughed.

“I know, Aaron,” she said, pushing her sleeve back to reveal a swirl of curves, flowers and little notes that he couldn’t quite read. “But it’s not actually me who’s writing it! It’s my soul mate!”

Aaron didn’t know what look he gave his teacher then, but she raised her eyebrows: the look that she often levelled on Harrison when he didn’t know the answer to a question that he ought to know. “Do you know what soulmates are, Aaron?” she asked gently. He shook his head, the curiosity winning out over the constant need to remain unnoticed. He listened, eyes wide, as she spoke.

That night, after his mother had sent him to bed and turned her television up loud enough that she couldn’t hear him, Aaron made his way to the bathroom and wiped his mother’s makeup off of his cheek. He stared at his reflection for a long time.

Aaron never wrote on his own skin. Apart from it being Not Allowed at school, he couldn’t think of anything to say. It had been a few weeks after the mark first appeared that he had been in the kitchen with his mother, eating his breakfast with the news playing in the background. The sports section had been on, which Aaron didn’t really care about, but his mom wasn’t speaking to him and there was nothing else to look at while he was eating. He didn’t really start listening until he saw the other boy on the screen, standing between a Japanese boy and an older Japanese man.

“… Coach Moriyama for the Ravens spoke yesterday for the first time about the loss of his friend and colleague, Kayleigh Day, with whom he created the sport of exy that has since taken college athletic teams by storm. Though Coach Moriyama is currently busy with talks over exy becoming an official Olympic sport next summer, the main topic of conversation last night was his new ward, Kayleigh’s young son Kevin.”

Here, the camera showed a closer shot of Kevin’s face, as another man – Coach what’s-his-name, Aaron thought distractedly – spoke about how Kevin was so close to Riko (the other boy?) and the team had adopted him as another almost-mascot, and how both boys had a bright future ahead of them-

Aaron wasn’t really listening. He was staring at the boy – Kevin’s – face. At the number 2 traced on in marker pen, a mirror of the one hidden under the stolen makeup covering his own cheek.

 _A match_ , his teacher had said, her smile soft as she traced the blue doodles on her arm with her fingertip. Aaron stared at Kevin Day, standing on national television in his suit next to an equally well-dressed boy, and was suddenly very aware of his worn tracksuit and sneakers that were almost one size too small. He couldn’t see how that shiny boy on the television could be a match for him at all.

Aaron never wrote on his own skin. He couldn’t think of anything to say to a boy who lived such a world away from Aaron’s own life. Kevin never wrote anything real, either. Just the ever-present number on their face, always freshly traced whenever Aaron noticed it starting to fade.

***

In high school, Aaron joined the exy team. It got him out of the house, so his mom approved, and it got him out of the house, so he jumped at the chance.

“What position?” they had asked when he turned up to try out. He thought of Kevin Day, and the number two on his cheek, still hidden beneath concealer that he now procured for himself. He thought of the national icon in his suits who could not be more different than Aaron Minyard and his shithole of a life. _A match_ , his teacher had said, years ago. Aaron had eaten up the idea of someone just for him, to stand by him, to be his best friend and to understand him without him needed to explain. He had decided, not long after seeing who his match was supposed to be, that that was bullshit. “What position?” they asked again.

“Not a striker,” he had replied.

***

If he couldn’t have a Match, Aaron thought, staring at the address in his hand, then maybe he could have a brother instead.

He couldn’t.

***

Nicky, Aaron noticed, was always writing on himself. And he always had new marks. Aaron was never sure whether to stare as the marks spread across Nicky’s skin, or whether to avert his eyes and act like nothing was happening. Besides his own mark, still covered every morning but now as permanent as the tattoo that Kevin had controversially had when he turned eighteen, he hadn’t seen another’s marks in years. His mother hadn’t had any, and Andrew never showed enough bare skin to determine whether he had any or not. Nicky’s marks were a jumbled mixture of his own writing and messages from Erik, half-scribbled notes in messy German, doodles and hearts and kisses. Aaron drew a fingertip, just the nail, lightly over his forearm and imagined what it must be like, to have someone so eager to communicate with you that they would cover themselves with messages.

***

A month or two before graduation, Andrew told Aaron and Nicky that he had been offered a position on a collegiate exy team, and that the coach was desperate enough to offer positions to Aaron and Nicky as well. They had stared at him. Aaron knew that he would take it – exy had got him through high school living with his mom, it might as well get him through a college degree as well – but Nicky was on the phone with Erik for almost two hours before he agreed.

When Aaron got his jersey, he was number 5. _Not a Match_ , he thought, darkly amused, _but a mirror image_.

Then, three months after they had moved onto the campus, Kevin Day came to stay with Coach Wymack at Palmetto State.

***

Kevin Day was broken, terrified and alone. He looked like he simultaneously hated the position he was in but was also too afraid of being left alone to leave. (Perhaps, Aaron supposed, they were more of a match than he had thought. A depressing, destructive match.)

Kevin Day was also attached permanently at the hip with Aaron’s twin brother.

It was pathetic, really, Aaron thought viciously, how quickly Kevin had latched onto his brother for protection and dismissed the rest of the team as useless. His fingers were firmer than usual as he applied his cover-up to his cheekbone, and he glared at _Assistant Coach Day_ all through their morning practise. As soon as practise was over and they were showered and changed, Aaron and Nicky headed to the car, where Aaron watched Kevin slide into the front seat beside Andrew. He clenched his jaw and turned to look out of the window.

***

Although their college schedule meant they had had to give up working the odd shift at Eden’s, it wasn’t long into the first semester that Nicky talked Andrew into driving them all into Columbia for the weekend. Aaron had no fucking idea where Andrew disappeared to once they got inside and found a table for their drinks, but he found that he didn’t much care. Kevin didn’t go with him.

“I’m going to _dance_!” declared Nicky with a bright grin, and he ruffled his own hair and vanished into the crowd. Kevin drained his drink and stood up to join him. He looked at Aaron.

“Are you coming too?” He asked. Aaron looked at him.

“Wouldn’t you rather dance with my brother?” He asked, deliberately snide, hating himself, hating Kevin, hating Andrew. “We’re identical, not interchangeable, dickhead.”

“What?” Kevin looked – fuck him – _surprised_. “Why would I dance with Andrew? Andrew’s terrifying, I think he’d stab me if I even tried. Anyway I wasn’t going to dance _with_ you, just wondering if you were going to dance, I-“

“Whatever.” Aaron stood up, suddenly not wanting to hear any more. “Let’s go.”

On the court, Kevin was polished perfection, sharp and calculated moves that he practised to precision. On the dance floor, he was the complete opposite. Aaron watched, despite himself, as Kevin moved alongside the people around him, carefree in a way that he hadn’t been since he had arrived at Palmetto State. Kevin clearly didn’t care _who_ he danced with, Aaron thought, but – no. Kevin wasn’t really dancing _with_ anyone. He was just dancing _among_ them; a part of their rhythm but isolated, like a raft drifting on the movements of the sea.

***

By their fourth trip to Eden’s Twilight, Aaron had grown used to the amount of alcohol that Kevin managed to consume, and had decided to try to match him.

“Why don’t you ever dance with anyone?” He asked Kevin suddenly. Kevin snorted.

“Who wants to dance with me?” He asked. “I’m useless.”

Aaron stared at him. “Who _wouldn’t_ want to dance with Kevin Day?” He asked, incredulous. “Kevin Day, famous exy player, shiny television darling, you’re saying nobody here wants to dance with you?”

Kevin nodded. He leaned forwards and, despite himself, Aaron leaned forwards too. “I’m saying,” Kevin said, seriously, “that plenty of people want to dance with Kevin Day, shiny television darling. But nobody here wants to dance with Kevin Day, injured assistant coach. Nobody wants to dance with _me_.”

Aaron opened his mouth to respond without really being sure what he was going to say, only certain that it _could not under any circumstances be “I want to dance with you but it’s just that I’ve spent my whole life feeling sure that you’re way out of my league despite the fact that you’re my soulmate, by the way?”_ It was lucky, then, that Kevin started talking again before Aaron had the chance, because the part of Aaron’s self-awareness that was not drowning in alcohol was horrifyingly sure that that was _exactly_ what he had been about to say.

“’m just not enough,” Kevin was saying, his voice not quite slurred, but slower, softened and dulled by the drinks he had consumed. “Riko used t’ laugh at me, you know. Said that even my _soulmate_ knew I was second best, ‘n tha’s why they never came ‘n found me. ‘cause they must’ve knew who I was, right? ‘cause of-“ He waved his hand vaguely at his tattoo and shrugged, as though he hadn’t just tipped Aaron’s viewpoint sideways and pushed his tipsy thoughts into a whirlwind.

Before Aaron could muster a reply, Kevin had downed his last drink and he stood, with one last look at Aaron, and vanished into the crowd. Aaron sat, staring after him, and thought of himself at six or seven, sitting in his mother’s kitchen and thinking that there was no way that his soulmate was so far out of his league that he would never want him. He thought of shiny suits and dazzling lights on the screen compared to his own tiny house and fading t-shirts. It felt disorienting, like he had expected to look through a window but had instead found a mirror. Aaron didn’t dance at all that night. He watched Kevin, moving around the shifting bodies but never with them. He traced his bare forearm with his fingernail and thought about feeling inadequate in comparison, about watching Nicky reading Erik’s writing on his skin and wishing that someone would be that eager to know him. _Maybe someone is_ , he thought.

***

On their fifth trip to Eden’s, Aaron followed Kevin onto the dance floor but instead of maintaining his usual distance, he stepped right up to Kevin as he started to move.

Kevin stared at him. “What are you doing?” He asked.

“Dancing.” Aaron grabbed Kevin’s hand and stepped closer. As Aaron swayed and twisted with the music, Kevin started to follow, his eyes glued onto Aaron’s face. Aaron, flicked glances at him but found himself unable to hold Kevin’s gaze. He breathed deep, swallowing his doubts and nerves, and pulled Kevin closer so that Kevin couldn’t see his face any more.

***

Kevin didn’t mention the dancing, which Aaron was in part grateful for but also felt ripples of anxiety through his stomach as he thought about what Kevin must be thinking. It was two days later that Kevin found Aaron in the library. Aaron steeled himself for what was coming, but Kevin simply sat opposite him and pulled a textbook out of his bag.

“What are you doing?” Aaron blurted out, and mentally berated himself immediately afterwards.

Kevin raised an eyebrow. “Studying,” he said. “We are at college, Aaron.”

Aaron felt a strange sensation at the base of his spine at the sound of his name in Kevin’s voice, and he firmly squashed it. Only to have it jolt back down his spine again as Kevin’s foot brushed against his own under the table.

“ _What_ are you _doing?_ ” Aaron hissed, pathetically grateful that it didn’t come out as a squeak.

Kevin flushed, and Aaron put every effort that he could into maintaining his disinterested expression. “I just-“ Kevin started, eyes flitting around Aaron’s face but not resting, not meeting his eyes besides lightning-fast touches, to check his reactions. “I know that I said some - stuff – about soulmates, the other week, and I-I mean, you –“

Kevin swallowed and took a deep breath, visibly fortifying himself to meet Aaron’s eyes. Aaron hoped that Kevin couldn’t see how fast his pulse was in his neck.

“Thank you,” Kevin said, “For dancing with me. I enjoyed it. I was thinking,” – he took another deep breath – “I was thinking that, who cares if my soulmate doesn’t want to meet me? I don’t care. Fuck them. But I would, “- Kevin didn’t seem to be aware that Aaron had stopped breathing, which was probably a good thing - “be interested in dancing with you again. And maybe- maybe going on a date?”

Aaron was- Aaron didn’t know what he was. _Fucked, probably_ , he thought wildly, and then realised that in his effort not to laugh hysterically or scream in the middle of the library, he had been staring blankly at Kevin for far too long, and Kevin’s hopeful eyes had dulled. He was getting up.

“Wait,” Aaron said. Then, “What does Andrew think about this? You know he doesn’t want me-“ _at all? As a brother?_ ”-dating. Or socialising at all, really.”

Kevin blinked. Then, strangely, a smile appeared: pleased, hopeful, and a tiny bit… wicked. “I know,” he said. “Nicky told me that Andrew tends to react quite… violently? Towards your dates. But,” the smile grew and Kevin leaned forwards and lowered his voice, conspiratorially, “he has also promised to keep me safe and to protect _me_ , so…”

Aaron stared. “So you’re saying you’re like a loophole.”

“Perfect, right?” Kevin grinned. “Forget soulmates, it’s like _we_ were made for each other!”

Aaron forced a laugh weakly. With a promise to text him when he was done with his next class, Kevin stuffed his book back in his bag and left. He was so tall that Aaron was able to watch him for quite a while before he lost sight of him. Only then did Aaron sag back in his chair.

 _Fuck_.

***

 The thing was, Aaron knew that he should tell Kevin about the Mark. He knew, but he remembered Kevin’s ramblings about his soulmate from Eden’s and the pain in his voice. He remembered the light in Kevin’s eyes when he decided to forget about soulmates and try something he had chosen for himself. And he didn’t want to see that light dull and change into the hurt confusion that had been in Kevin’s face when he had said that he wasn’t good enough. So Aaron said nothing when Kevin texted him, as he had promised, after his next class. He said nothing when Kevin sat so close to him on the couch in their dorm that the entire length of his thigh was pressed against Kevin’s while they watched a movie that evening. And he said nothing when Kevin waited for him outside his last class of the day on Thursday and walked him to the coffee shop on the edge of campus. Aaron would have continued to say nothing, in fact, for the rest of their date, but Kevin had other ideas.

“What about your soulmate?” he asked, sipping his drink and eyes questioningly scanning Aaron’s arms, noticeably bare.

Aaron swallowed. When he spoke, he tried not to let any of his hesitancy show in his voice. “I’ve never written anything to them,” he said, “and they’ve never written anything for me, either. I –“ He cut himself off before he could say _I don’t know why_ , because he did, now. _Fair’s fair_ , he told himself. “I guess I felt overwhelmed. My teacher told me what Marks meant, and what soulmates are, and it just seemed too good to be true, you know? Like, there I was in my shitty life, and out there somewhere was someone who was supposed to be perfect for me? Who would actually want to know me and stick around? It didn’t seem real. And I guess I could never think of anything to say. I guess they couldn’t either.”

Kevin had stopped tracing Aaron’s bare arms with his eyes and his eyes were unwavering on Aaron’s when Aaron looked up at him as he finished speaking. Aaron swallowed, suddenly nervous. But Kevin smiled. “Fuck them both, then,” he said fiercely. “Seriously, fuck them both for not thinking we were good enough. We can be good enough for each other, right?”

Aaron felt small; a sick, niggling warning in his stomach whispering that this would not end well, but he ignored it for the light in Kevin’s expression as he replied. “Yeah.”

After that, the conversation turned to other topics: classes, ambitions, surprisingly little exy for a conversation with Kevin Day. Surprisingly as well, the conversation continued as they finished their drinks and left the building, heading back to the athlete’s dorms. As they reached the door to the building, Kevin stopped. Aaron stopped next to him and glanced up. Kevin was looking at the door, but seeing Aaron’s movement, he turned to face Aaron as well. Neither of them said anything for a moment. Kevin huffed out a laugh. “Hard to know when the date is over when you’re going back to the same place, right?” He asked, a smile quirking up one end of his mouth. Aaron felt an answering grin tug at his own mouth, almost without his permission. Kevin’s eyes flickered lower and Aaron froze. “Luckily,” Kevin was saying, “there is another way of signalling the end of a date.” His eyes darted between Aaron’s, questioning. Aaron swallowed. His lips felt very dry. Slowly, Kevin leaning his head down to meet Aaron’s.

Aaron couldn’t think. A tingling at the base of his spine, like a current of static electricity, rippled up his body and he gripped at Kevin’s arms almost without meaning to, trying to ground himself. Kevin’s hands were on his hips, firm, but his thumbs, Aaron registered dimly beneath the overwhelming sensation of Kevin’s lips on his, were stroking gently, as though Kevin knew how stunned Aaron was feeling. Too soon, Kevin stepped back. One of his hands ran through his own hair as he smiled. “I had a good time,” he said.

“Yeah.” Aaron was staring at Kevin numbly, at the tattoo on his cheekbone that was simultaneously a warning reminder and a promise. “Thanks.”

***

Aaron knew, realistically, that he couldn’t keep this up forever. He knew that eventually he would have to tell Kevin the truth, that they were soulmates, that he had been lying to Kevin since the day they met, that it was his fault that Kevin had been so lonely for so long. But he was determined to at least have this for a while, for as long as he could keep it. It was heady, to know that Kevin wanted to be with him, had _chosen_ him, and not even because of their Marks, but because, for some unknown reason, he thought that Aaron was _good enough_. So, although the guilt was nagging at him to tell the truth, Aaron would selfishly hold on to Kevin for as long as he could.

On their sixth trip to Eden’s Twilight, Aaron put his hand on Kevin’s arm when Kevin reached for one of the drinks on the tray that Andrew had slid onto the table before vanishing into the crowd somewhere. Kevin glanced at him, questioning.

“What if,” Aaron forced himself to breathe normally and ignored how hard his heart was pounding, “we didn’t drink too much tonight?”

Kevin frowned at him, confused for a second. _Please don’t make me spell it out for you_ , Aaron thought, and after a minute, a slow smile spread across Kevin’s face. “Sure,” he said, flipping his arm over and catching Aaron’s hand in his own. “Want to dance, then?”

It felt different, this time. The movement of the dancing, this time, knowing the plan for later, when they were back at Nicky’s house in Columbia, felt different. Kevin’s hands on his hips, mirrored the kiss from the end of their date but rather than grounding him, Aaron felt the static tingling spread along his spine again, his back arching involuntarily at the reaction and pushing him closer to Kevin. His hands reached up and found Kevin’s hair, and it would be so easy to-  
_Later,_ Aaron told himself. Instead he let his fingers tease along the ends of Kevin’s hair as they moved. Kevin’s hands on his hips and Aaron’s looped around Kevin’s neck, their bodies were tantalisingly close as the moved to the music, and Aaron felt live, wired, every brush of Kevin’s body against his as they moved jolting through him. _Later_ , he promised himself.

***

Later, at the house, Nicky had barely managed to hit the couch before collapsing into sleep, but Andrew stopped at the foot of the stairs and stared at Aaron and Kevin for a long minute. Kevin tensed beside Aaron but Aaron, who had the advantage of a lifetime’s knowledge of Andrew’s face, even if he had only known Andrew himself for a far shorter time. Andrew’s blank face didn’t speak of anger, not completely. Without saying anything, Andrew ascended the stairs to his own bedroom. Kevin let out a shuddering breath.

“I know I said I was safe in a loophole,” he muttered, “but I thought for a second there-“

“No,” Aaron murmured, reaching out for Kevin’s hand and starting up the stairs himself. “That was something else. But right now I don’t give a fuck what Andrew was thinking. I want to know what you’re thinking.” He turned when he reached the door and met Kevin’s eyes. “What do you want?”

Kevin reached behind Aaron and pushed the door open. “You.” He replied.

***

Aaron woke slowly. He was warm, and he could feel the dip in the bed where Kevin had stayed beside him, after. He stretched out his toes and burrowed his head deeper into his pillow, feeling the soft smile on his face but not yet opening his eyes.

“I know you’re awake,” Kevin’s amused voice. His finger, warm from the covers, prodded Aaron’s side and he wriggled away, turning his face and still _not ready to wake up, thank you_. Kevin huffed a laugh. Aaron stretched again and rolled onto his back, opened his eyes despite himself and smiled at the ceiling. It took him a moment to realise that Kevin had gone very still.

“Aaron,” Kevin asked, quietly, his voice strangely hoarse. “What’s that on your cheek?”

Aaron froze. “What?” He asked, knowing that it was useless but playing for time, his mind strangely numb.

“Your _cheek_ ,” Kevin said, reaching over and brushing Aaron’s face with a finger, feather-light. Aaron wasn’t entirely sure whether he was breathing. He sat up. His pillow, he realised, was lightly streaked with the last of his concealer. _Fuck_. Kevin had shifted closer, holding onto Aaron’s chin with the fingers of one hand, staring at the Mark on Aaron’s cheek. Aaron stared at Kevin, waiting for a reaction.

“Is this-“ Kevin started, then cut himself off.

“I’m sorry,” Aaron blurted out. “I should have told you right away, but I kind of thought you were out of my league and resented you for it but then I wanted to get to know you anyway, then you said all that stuff about how you felt about your soulmate and I realised that how I’d been feeling was how you felt too but then the only reason you asked me out was as a _fuck you to your soulmate_ and _I am your soulmate_ so how was I supposed to tell you when I know how you feel about your soulmate, I –“

Kevin’s hand was over his mouth. “Aaron.” he said. “Forget how I felt about soulmates. You _chose_ to dance with me in Eden’s. I _chose_ to ask you out for coffee. We are here because of our choices. I’m not here because of how I feel about soulmates. I’m here because of how I feel about _you_.”

Aaron reached out his own hand and traced Kevin’s tattoo gently. “I never thought you were second best,” he said quietly. “If anything, I thought you were too good for someone like me. I couldn’t imagine you ever stopping to look twice at a fuck-up like me.”

Kevin’s hand moved from Aaron’s face to hold Aaron’s hand where it was resting against his own cheek. “You know how I felt,” he said. “But we were both wrong. We are both good enough.” He smiled. Aaron felt himself smile back.

***

 On Monday, as Aaron’s biology lecture was coming to an end, he felt reached out to gather his things to pack away and caught sight of something on the back of his hand.

 ** _Coffee after your bio lecture?_** It read it Kevin’s scrawl. Aaron thought about Nicky’s arms, covered in notes and doodles from Erik, a visual testament to their relationship and their importance to each other. A reminder that they both had someone who thought about them during the day, even when they weren’t nearby. He grabbed his pen back out of his bag.

 ** _See you soon. x_**  He wrote on his other hand, imagining Kevin watching the words bloom on his own skin, elsewhere on campus.

 


End file.
